外婆 had a mild stroke and was hospitalised in late April. These few months, 外婆 is getting weaker and has to be hospitalised more frequently due to infections. From lung to urinary infections, affecting her kidneys and heart... she's also contracted with MRSA.
She is attached to machine that tracks her pulse and oxygen level. From having nasal cannula to oxygen mask then back to nasal cannula.
Dr would administer IV antibiotics each time 外婆 is hospitalised.. Due to her fluid overload and IV administration, both her upper limbs were swollen and bruised.
After she was discharged, she is hospitalised again a few days later.. and her bruise never have the chance to recover, it just got worst each time.
After her stroke episode, she was not able to speak and she can never tell us how she's feeling. Most of the time she has her eyes closed. Whenever she opened her eyes, we would call her to get her attention, but she did not have much response.
We never know whether she can see or hear us.. even the Dr was also unsure whether her sight and hearing ability was affected by the stroke or not.
Like what the Drs have been saying, they will all try to keep her as comfortable as she could be.
I am sorry 外婆, we could not do much to make you get better.
At times, I am thinking is this the best supportive care that you needed and wanted most?
Are our decisions to your treatment making things worse for you?
Is it, 外婆?
I know I can never have an answer from you.
"谢谢你， 外婆" ... Each visit, I will hold on her hand and tell her this..
I don't want to have any regrets for not telling her that I am grateful to have her.
我莫名地泪流了...
Don't cry.
Please don't cry.
I'm thinking about you... like a fool. I know.
I'm just... missing you.
Wish you were here. I miss you.
真的很想你... 非常想你。 If I could start over again...
Post a Comment 0 Comments
Sunday, February 04, 2018
我们祈祷 “希望的奇迹” 并没发生。她始终还是离开了。
Our prayers for her was not answered. It has been a week since SX 表姐's passing. Aunty A is still struggling with the unreality of it all.
“她已经解脱了，你不要难过”
was what Aunty A's siblings have been constantly telling her.
At any point in life, we will lose someone we love and it is definitely heartbreaking.
Everyone has different ways in coping with the loss and getting through each day.
It will take some time for Aunty A to accept the reality and the fact that her daughter is no longer around anymore.
(Even now, at times, I do struggle with the acceptance of my granny's passing.)
No words can comfort Aunty A for the loss of her daughter, I believe she will be able to pick herself up one step at a time... and eventually move on.
I really hope Aunty A will be able to stay strong and that time will heal the pain, grief and loss.
Post a Comment 0 Comments
Sunday, January 07, 2018
Earlier this week, we learnt that SX表姐 has been unconscious, she fell into a coma a day after her childbirth.
It was just too sudden...
Before this pregnancy, she experienced a few miscarriages. It must have been an emotional toll for her in facing a series of unfortunate events.
She continued to stay strong and never give up trying. I didn't know the reason behind until today. She wanted her elder daughter to have a companion and that was why she did not give up in continuing to conceive the second child.
Aunty A shared about how much she treasure and has done to protect her baby throughout this pregnancy.
Looking at Aunty A... it's really heartbreaking. Her eyes welled with tears while she appeared to stay strong and composed during this difficult period.
No words can describe how one feels right now for what has happened.
Just the thought of SX表姐's children (elder daughter & her newborn), my heart goes out to them...
SX表姐, I am hoping for the best that you will be able to pull through. Please stay strong for your loved ones.
As a SAH mum, my godma has contributed a lot to her family and in bringing up two very successful children.
Four years ago, godma had Breast Ca. Giving her encouragement was the only thing I can do for her. She fought bravely, underwent surgery and chemo Tx. With her strong family support, she pulled through the ordeal despite facing side effects from the chemoTx. I was really thankful that she recovered well. She is always positive and throughout the ordeal I don't recall seeing her having negative thoughts or emotions.
Godma's ordeal did make me realise that life is so fragile.
But somehow, I tend to "forgot" about "this feeling".
During my poly years, I almost lost my granny when she was badly ill due to UTI. Granny managed to pull through that difficult period.
My granny was a brave and strong lady. She travelled alone to Singapore from her hometown at Hainan so as to reunite with my grandpa (who had came over to Singapore first due to the war in their hometown). Cannot imagine how she had managed to brave through the journey travelling alone in the overcrowded ship from China.
I know that it must be granny's love for grandpa that gave her the courage & determination to get through, right granny?
Though she came over with the intention to reunite with grandpa but for the first couple of years they lived separately and had a really hard life. I always feel that people in their generation are very resilient. Going through thick and thin together and not giving up (each other) easily despite the harsh & cruel circumstances they faced.
We lost my grandpa to a sudden heart attack. Though I was still very young, I remembered vividly about that evening... It was my kindergarten graduation period when we were still mourning grandpa's passing. As for granny, I guessed she adjusted herself in order to get used to the changes. I was not mature enough at that time to look into the needs that she needed most. At times, I stayed overnight with her & dropped by as often as possible. But I felt we could have overlooked her emotional needs after grandpa's passing.
While I was in poly, granny had a fateful fall and after that incident she suffered from dementia for several years. The period when she was not at her best was when her dementia started acting up and over the years her condition gets deteriorated. All her memories and thoughts were all jumbled up and she couldn't make sense of what she was saying and doing.
Though she suffered from dementia, she still put on her wide smile to others. I remembered the same group of church volunteers who never fail to drop by her bedside during their yearly visit to the nursing home. They said, "We love to see your granny, that wide smile of hers."
Thank you to those who had this positive impression of my granny, thank you.
Eventually, I lost my granny to old age. I know I have yet to move on from her passing. I couldn't forget about the whole event. I could never forget that particular day, the scene when I reached the ward first and learnt about her passing from the Doctor. I was filled with regrets over many stuff and I blamed myself for that even up till now.
Granny's passing was the hardest thing to go through.
I love you Granny and I'm missing you.
The only one thing I can console myself was that I had the chance to sleep beside her, hugged her and thanked her for everything & for being around. That was about two months before her passing..
At that time, I didn't know that this yearly habit of mine, was going to be the last time and last thing that I can do for her. I thank god for giving me the chance to say "thank you" to her in person though I wouldn't know if granny was able to understand what I had said.
Recently, people around and I have been facing with issues, be it family, personal and more of health-related.
Earlier this year, my maternal aunt was diagnosed with Breast Ca and now undergoing series of treatment. Actually she found a lump a few years back. She was unable let go of her family commitments and chose to ignore the signs & symptoms. Fortunately, the delay did not cause the cancer to metastasize. Thank god for that.
Few days ago, godma felt somehow weird at her Lt axillary LN area near the surgery site and Dr advised for scans and biopsy to rule out relapse. I really don't wish to see her to undergo that ordeal again. All of us are hoping for the best.
My closest is also facing some health issues. I am hoping and praying that with his conscious decision in making some changes, there can be some improvement to his health.
“Everbody has weaknesses....
Accepting and understanding each other weaknesses is called living....
If we start objecting, then its hard to live....
Do share your objection(s), as it may resolve differences and will help in reducing misunderstandings....”
― Fawad
“Love is feeling, caring, respecting and understanding.... Its pure and perfect from the very first day and doesn't need any updates or upgrades. So do not contaminate it with today's pollutants....”
― Fawad
People often say life is unfair.
Some People have more than others.
Things always go right for some people.
Whereas nothing ever goes right for other people.
But you cannot measure happiness based on what you have.
Just when you think you have everything, you lose something.
And when you think you lose everything, you gain something.
Maybe life is not unfair afterall.
Maybe what we needed are courage & patience to overcome the obstacles that we are facing.
Post a Comment 0 Comments
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
6/5/13 - 新明日报
I cannot completely understand our neighbour's situation but looking at their desire to have a change does depict something is wrong with the system and the people just cannot wait to have it changed. Unfortunately, it did not happen 'again'.
No matter what, nothing is more important than a country's security and a clean & corrupt-free government.
Sometimes, we take things for granted and do not know how fortunate we are. It is only when one step out of the "comfort zone" for a period of time, then one will realise that we HAVE BEEN taking things FOR GRANTED.
